“I won’t enjoy going there, I better stay at home”
“I’ll be exhausted, so there’s no point in meeting up”
“I don’t feel like doing it now, I can always do it later”
These are some of the most frequent statements therapists hear in sessions with clients who tend to retreat into their shell and avoid people, places, situations or even thoughts that are likely to distress them.
It’s not uncommon for people to try to avoid situations which are likely to trigger some degree of anxiety. We all naturally take actions to keep ourselves safe in situations that are perceived as dangerous in some way. Avoiding things we have to do, people we have to meet, places we have to go can protect us from becoming temporarily distressed. The urge to avoid things can be strengthened by the feeling of relief in the short term that we have managed to escape from anxiety-provoking situations. As a result, the situations we avoid become even more stressful.
However, by repeatedly avoiding what makes us feel nervous or uncomfortable, we keep the problem going over a long period of time, which inevitably affects every aspect of our lives. Have a look at the main reasons why avoidance is considered an unhelpful and unhealthy coping mechanism:
Self-focused attention and repetitive unhelpful thinking can become worse by restricting the contact with the external environment.
Beliefs about a perceived threat are reinforced and there is no chance for them to be challenged and disconfirmed.
There is no opportunity for positive reinforcement and, as a result, low mood goes on and on.
What can you do then in order to take a few steps towards overcoming your avoidance?
The key to successfully confronting feared situation and activities is called exposure. By exposing yourself to what you have been avoiding, you get the opportunity to:
Get used to the feeling of being in the stressful situation.
Familiarise yourself to the sensations related to anxiety.
Continue to challenge your fears and test the validity of your negative beliefs.
Increase your self-confidence.
How can you start exposing yourself to the things, people, places or situation you avoid? What are the simple steps you can try?
Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you tend to avoid (situations, places, people, thoughts). Write a number from 0-10 alongside each item considering how distressing that item is (10 the most distressing and 0 the least distressing).
Rewrite the list by placing the most distressing item at the top of the list and the least distressing item at the bottom.
Focus on the least distressing item to begin with. How can you start to confront this trigger? What do you need to do? What steps do you need to take?
Write down reminders of your helpful coping mechanisms (e.g. breathing, grounding techniques, positive self-talk).
After you have successfully managed to face the least distressing situation, do the same for the second least distressing item.
Gradually and slowly work your way up from the least distressing to the most distressing, feared situation.
By grading your exposure in this way, you allow yourself to take more manageable steps towards confronting the situations you tend to avoid the most.
And remember…
Be quite specific about what you will do and when.
Some degree of anxiety is expected and normal.
Stay in the situation even if you experience discomfort – your levels of anxiety will slowly but steadily go down.
‘Magic happens when you step out of your comfort zone’.
By overcoming avoidance, you can finally get on with enjoying life.
References:
Harvey, A. G., Watkins, E., Mansell, W., & Shafran, R. (2004). Cognitive behavioural processes across psychological disorders: A transdiagnostic approach to research and treatment. New York: Oxford University Press
Kaczkurkin, A. N., & Foa, E. B. (2015) ‘Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety disorders: an update on the empirical evidence.’ Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 17(3), 337–346
Mackey, C. (2010) Addressing Avoidant Tendencies. [Online] [Accessed on on 22 November 2019] https://www.chrismackey.com.au/addressing-avoidant-tendencies/
Salkovskis, P. M. (1991). The importance of behaviour in the maintenance of anxiety and panic: A cognitive account. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 19(1), 6–19